“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” (Robert McCloskey)

When I was growing up (Yes, I said that phrase, I always hated to hear someone say that to me), communication between people was much different than today. Today we can e-mail or text a person. Then we could write them a letter and mail it via the US Postal services or have it hand delivered. Both then and now, we could call them on the phone. Of course then, we had a party line so other people could listen in on our private conversations by being very quiet and not invited to join in like now. Today as well as then we could use IM. Today IM means texting, twitter etc. Then IM meant that you would ask a friend to go tell the other person something for you right away, thus you used IM (Instant Messenger).

I have been dragged into using 21^st Century, kicking and screaming (figuratively oh course). I now have an IPhone and a Kindle, both of which I originally did not want, and now cannot live without. I miss the face to face touch of a conversation. I also miss the passion and insight in reading a hand written letter.

The quote by McCloskey, however, is how I feel sometimes, when my cell phone starts to go in and out while I am in the middle of a conversation. It is definitely how I feel when I call any company and get the dreaded computer voice giving me choices none of which address my particular need or question. It brings to memory my taking classes online and using Ellumination and Blackboard. Both of which were supposed to help education and trainings, but 75% of the time had a glitch with either the audio or visual part of the presentation. It reminds me of when I try to have a face to face conversation, but the other person keeps cutting in on my thoughts or knows what I mean more than I do.

At this point you may be thinking “Is this blog just a way to complain?” Actually I want to talk about the key to good communication. I think that the use of “IM” has taken away some peoples’ listening skills. Instead of “IM” meaning Instant Messaging, some people believe it means “Inconsiderate Me”. They are inconsiderate because they show a lack of regards for other people’s feeling. They say /post anything they want to. There is not a person there whose immediate facial and body language they can see. “IM” and social media were designed for our fast paced lives. Using “IM” does not preclude us from being good listeners and communicators.

In order to communicate well with others we need to use the techniques of active listening. There are 7 points to active listening.

Encouraging: Show an interest in what the person is saying. Ask questions “Can you tell me more..?”

Validating: Validate the person’s viewpoint even if you don’t agree with it. “I can understand why you might…”

Restating: Paraphrase the main points or content of what the person is saying “It sounds like you have….”

Reflecting: Deals with the person’s feelings “This has been a hard day for you.”

Clarifying: Use brief question “Do you mean…?”

Centering: Help bring speaker back to what is important to them “What would be most helpful to you right now?”

Attending: Pay attention. Focus on the speaker.

Being an active listener will affect how you make people feel about themselves and you.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. “Maya Angelou